We’ve been having this discussion, officially, for a week now. Had the three of us been sitting somewhere face to face, these ideas could have been exchanged in the matter of 30 minutes, tops. I find this both funny and frustrating at the same time.

I certainly don’t disagree with conversation mattering, however.

However, globalization and the information revolution has made it advantageous to friend or at least become acquainted with people who have something different to offer. It’s in my best interest to be familiar with people who know something that I don’t. And there is so much that I have yet to learn. I believe that when two or more people meet (face to face or online), their original perceptions of each other have the potential to be challenged; not in a negative way though. I believe that when strangers become more consequential (using your terms), how they perceive each other complexifies. And this complexification is good for relationship building.

My background is in Conflict Resolution and mediation is a process in which a third party facilitates communication, so that concerned parties can move forward, resolving their issue(s) (whatever they may be). Often, both parties share near absolute points of view and are unable to negotiate. A good mediator is able to effectively ask insightful questions that encourage the concerned parties to question their positions, to create some degree of doubt. In essence, the complexification of issues usually creates uncertainty, and a little uncertainty often moves things along.

Anyways, I’m not particularly worried/concerned with what defines a “real” vs. “virtual” friend (though it’s an interesting subject) etc. I’m interested in creating opportunities for people to immerse themselves in conversation (face to face and/or online). Ultimately, I believe that any conversation is a conversation that matters regardless of the subject. And in some respects, the act of conversation is conflict resolution.

I’m anxious to hear what you think.

I definitely think they’re real in the sense that they exist – but because of past relationships I’ve had with people, I remain guarded about who I consider a friend. Some people seem to think a “friend” is anyone who adds you on whatever social media you use. To me, a friend is someone you can spend quality, comfortable time with, without a computer between you.

I realize that “virtual” relationships can often (and do often) turn into real ones – I’ve had it happen before. But I’ve also had it completely backfire, when the person I was supposedly “friends” with had completely misrepresented themselves, and that relationship with them did not last. Some relationships are better online, some not so much.

I guess I should have been more clear – part of me is hesitant to go with the technological flow as it were, but if I truly look back at some of the friendships I currently hold very dear, some of them were indeed initially cultivated in an online forum. It just seems much easier to do that now, which is why media like FaceBook often feel disingenuous and rushed to me. My husband, for example, is a musician. He has fans. A lot of his fans add his FB page, find me, and try to add mine. The only reason they want anything to do with me is because I’m married to him – the things I put on FB are a lot more personal than the things he usually posts – and I don’t feel comfortable allowing total strangers into our lives like that. But that’s just me.

Obviously, this creates an entirely different discussion over whether or not allowing a stranger to know you makes them not such a stranger anymore, but like I said, my life experience gives me reason to have caution, and it’s just a leap I’m not always willing to make. I know we’re too far along to prevent it now, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with sometimes.

My dream is that we stop calling online relationships “virtual” and questioning whether they’re “real.” My dream is that we begin to appreciate and value all relationships and to think of those that matter, in small or great ways, as “meaningful,” regardless of where we meet or how deep the level of intimacy. Our social ties span a continuum, from stranger to soulmate, but because close ties have been studied more and, until recently, talked about more, acquaintances somehow seem unimportant. But they’re not.

Implicit in Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech was the idea that once we all look past the outer trappings, whether skin color or status, and dare to cross traditional lines, we will be better able to appreciate our similarities and see our differences as benefits. And every bit of research I’ve uncovered over the last three year confirms this as well: The more we “integrate” our lives will all sorts of people and all sorts of relationships, the healthier, happier, and more successful as humans we will be.

I worry about the perils of online socialization, too. But if we’re conscious and careful–if we learn to manage our (relatively new) online lives so that we reap the benefits of having so many others to call on–the advantages will outweigh the risks.

Besides, the genie is out of the bottle: Every day we make new connections at an unprecedented rate and volume. We consume tens, maybe hundreds, of byte-sized morsels of “conversation”–through emails, in chat rooms and on bulletin boards, and via social media.

Perhaps this avalanche of acquaintanceships will overtake us. Or perhaps we will look back a few years from now to realize that many of the definitions we grew up with have changed and we simply had to adapt (for better and worse) as earlier generations had when newfangled technology threatened the status quo. Either way, we’re all standing on the same hillside.

Thanks, Jason, for more stimulating conversation. You inspired my own blog entry on this subject at: http://www.consequentialstrangers.com/2010/01/22/i-have-a-social-dream/