Anyone who regularly drinks coffee (unless decaffeinated) knows that its featured stimulating agent—caffeine—temporarily reduces the sensation of being tired. Likewise, it has been known to enhance conversation or at least affect people in a way that makes them more willing to speak up. And thus, coffee shops are historically known for being conversation friendly places.
Since facilitating, striking up, and capturing caffeinated conversations is what I do, people often ask about my coffee consumption and reasonably presume that I’m hooked. Yes, I drink coffee almost every day, but I don’t drink that much (relatively speaking). I rarely drink more than three cups, and these cups are about 6 ounces each.
I don’t drink a lot of decaffeinated either, but I bought a bag when my family arrived in town for the holidays, specifically because my father can talk up a storm. So you can only imagine what it’s like when he’s drinking coffee. I offered him half regular and half decaf a few times, but he mostly drank the fully leaded. Either way, it’s hard to get a word in after a few cups of the regular. Really though, it’s not his fault. He just gets excited. And so, when I’m at my best, I get excited with him, interrupting, interjecting, questioning, and the conversation continues.
I love coffee and I love conversation. I enjoy them together and I enjoy them separately. They don’t need each other, but together they often are… in homes, coffee shops, restaurants, book stores, and so many other places. But sometimes, caffeine can hinder conversation (depending upon how it personally affects you) or its effects can reduce conversation to a rant, a run on sentence that never seems to end—kind of like this one.
Last week at Zoka Coffee & Tea (@zokacoffee), I got a headache from listening too hard and not replying with anything more than “a huh” during a mostly one way conversation. My facial expression didn’t change much during that hour, and I left reminding myself that I should have interrupted with a question to move the conversation in a different direction. I somewhat failed at what I do best. The interesting part about this conversation is that when we parted ways, the man left, acknowledging that he had yet to buy a cup of coffee.
Caffeine is never fully to blame for one way conversations. During the conversation at Zoka, I failed to fully engage, to engage in the same way that he was engaging me. I asked plenty of questions, but I didn’t interject my opinions as firmly as I should have, bringing the conversation back to me so that we could both share. I didn’t get excited and this I should have done. Nevertheless, imperfect communication is better than no communication at all.
My father has his own conversation style, and at 68 it’s not going to change much. I have mine as well (ultimately, it’s not that different from his). So what are you going to do? Ignore and walk away (we’ve all done this), listen intently only—this is when my face ends up hurting—or adapt.
When a conversation goes one way, how do you turn it back around to move it forward?
2 Comments
Humor. A well placed witty response momentarily stops the conversation with laughter. At that point, anyone can pick up the conversation and take it in a new direction.
@MAS I can’t agree more. Humor is an excellent way to shift the conversation. Sometimes, I’ll focus on a specific word (e.g. humor) used by the other person, and then ask a question specifically about it, shaking things up.