Dealing with difficult people is a title of and subject commonly discussed in workshops, books, and articles that explore effective communication, managing disputes, and so forth. The phrase is self-explanatory, implying that some people are more difficult to deal with than others, and those who are need to be dealt with differently.
There are a few problems with this line of thinking. First, difficult is relational. For example, while my brother may find it difficult to talk with my father from time to time, it is far less difficult for me. My brother and I are different people with different experiences, and thus how we communicate with my father differs. Second, dealing with implies that people who are perceived to be less difficult to deal with require less effort to maintain good relations with; this isn’t always the case. Third, the concept also suggests that one would rather avoid the person attributed as being difficult. This is reasonable, but having this predisposed attitude doesn’t help matters.
Difficult people are generally thought to share a point of view or attitude that greatly differs from your own, different enough that it makes him or her difficult to deal with. But when you think about it, attributing someone else as difficult displaces your contribution to the dynamic. The difficult person may not find it difficult dealing with you and/or the more difficult person may actually be the person defining the other person as such. Again, it’s relative.
Dealing with difficult people doesn’t have to be difficult. Rather than attribute someone as such, acknowledge that all people are different, talk differently, respond differently in different situations, and have different points of view. If you spend a lot of time at conversation friendly places, you probably know this already.
Find a way to be okay with these differences—not necessarily agree with or make them your own, but by acknowledging that they exist. This way, you can approach difficult people and non-difficult people in a more similar way. By replacing difficult with different, you can come to appreciate or at least be amused with the different that was one thought to be difficult.
Dealing with difficult people is a title of and subject commonly discussed in workshops, books, and articles that explore effective communication, managing disputes, and so forth. The phrase is self-explanatory, implying that some people are more difficult to deal with than others, and those who are need to be dealt with differently.
There are a few problems with this line of thinking. First, difficult is relational. For example, while my brother may find it difficult to talk with my father from time to time, it is far less difficult for me. My brother and I are different people with different experiences, and thus how we communicate with my father differs. Second, dealing with implies that people who are perceived to be less difficult to deal with require less effort to maintain good relations with; this isn’t always the case. Third, the concept also suggests that one would rather avoid the person attributed as being difficult. This is reasonable, but having this predisposed attitude doesn’t help matters.
Difficult people are generally thought to share a point of view or attitude that greatly differs from your own, different enough that it makes him or her difficult to deal with. But when you think about it, attributing someone else as difficult displaces your contribution to the dynamic. The difficult person may not find it difficult dealing with you and/or the more difficult person may actually be the person defining the other person as such. Again, it’s relative.
Dealing with difficult people doesn’t have to be difficult. Rather than attribute someone as such, acknowledge that all people are different, talk differently, respond differently in different situations, and have different points of view. If you spend a lot of time at conversation friendly places, you probably know this already.
Find a way to be okay with these differences—not necessarily agree with or make them your own, but by acknowledging that they exist. This way, you can approach difficult people and non-difficult people in a more similar way. By replacing difficult with different, you can come to appreciate or at least be amused with the different that was one thought to be difficult.
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